I have always been highly attuned to my own personal energy and that of those around me. The slightest shift in one’s energy, imperceptible to others, I often pick up on without trying.
The energy of my own life started to shift towards the end of last year but was somewhat there the entire year as well. I felt that I had this need to express myself that was being stifled but I realized that the one stifling it all of these years has been myself.
Although I have always been a creative and expressive individual, playing violin at 5, piano at 8 and guitar in my 20’s as well as acting throughout my youth and into college, painting, sketching, architecture, interior design, photography and writing, most of my creative pursuits outside of architecture and interior design were self-appointed hobbies. I never considered myself a “real” artist or a “real” writer or a “real” musician because I never allowed myself to.
So in late 2018 I literally felt my energy shift from a somewhat morose and scattered one that I had felt all year to one in which I literally had to express myself in ways I hadn’t really done so before. For others, creative pursuits are fine if one wants to keep them to oneself and never share them with the world. However, for myself, I feel that if I don’t share that creative expression, whatever it might be, that it has no meaning because no one else knows it exists. So I decided to begin sharing my various artistic and creative abilities with the world. I decided to stop walking the line between professional and amateur writer, photographer, musician, and artist and say fuck it, I’m going to share that part of myself with the world.
So, my first project was to complete my book heartaches. Although I have been writing a deeply personal memoir wrought with pain and drama for around 20 years, I put that aside and decided to focus my energy on something that I could actually produce in the short term. This way, my insatiable need to share these things would be fulfilled.
I’m very proud of my upcoming book heartaches and it’s not like any other book of poetry you may have read. It is of course, as all poetry should be, filled with emotion and conveys to the reader insight into what it means to have lived ones life in my shoes. I’m not famous, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t lessons to learn from my own mistakes and my own heartbreaks for the average gay joe. Or, just to better understand one’s own personal heartbreaks from my autobiographical poetry book (I’m calling poetry memoir) and to better understand the human condition, period.
I’m happier than I have been in a long time as I finally and feeling fulfilled from even this small book project. It’s reanimated my spirit in a way that hasn’t been seen in a long time. I can’t wait to share what else I have in store, including my painstakingly written memoir Anathema which I hope to have published within the next 2 years.
It’s an exciting time for me and I’m happy to be right where I am.